Self Storage

​Y​es read the title again…you are reading it right!!

Are you looking to put on a little extra pudge to keep warm coming into the winter or maybe your boyfriend wants to see “more of you…”.  How can you put on that extra layer of adipose tissue you always wanted to fill out your jeans?  Follow these recommendations and you’ll be on your way.

1.  Aerobic exercise everyday-

The more aerobics you do, the more efficient your body will be at storing fat, especially if you are looking to gain some size on your thighs!

Recommendation:  Go to the gym every single day and find a treadmill or stepper where you can watch TV while you work out because you are going to be there for a while.  Do at least an hour per day, seven days per week at a very steady state (you should be able to carry on a conversation throughout the entire workout).

2.  Follow a low fat, low calorie diet….And DON’T drink any water!  The less you eat, the lower your metabolism will go which is optimal for storing fat!

Recommendation:  Keep your calories very low and deprive your body.  Keep your calories to around 1000-1200 and do not eat more than 15-20 grams of fat per day.  You want your body to think it is starving so it will hold on to body fat at all costs! Also don’t drink any water, instead juice will work wonders for expanding your waistline!!

Why it works to store body fat:  Every time you eat your metabolism goes up which is not good when you are trying to store fat.  Eating enough food will fuel fat burning, the opposite to what we want. You want your body to be a fat storing machine!!  Another excellent method for putting on fat is staying away from water.  Drinking water will only cause you to drop excess water you are holding, so keep the water consumption low to keep you fat and bloated!

3.  Avoid weight training at all costs!

Increasing your lean body mass is the best way to increase your metabolism to burn fat.  So stay away from any weight training!

Recommendation:  Do not touch the weights in the gym or if you do, only lift the ones that are small enough not to build muscle (you know the ones- the pink little dumbbells).

Why it works to store fat:  The goal is to keep your metabolism as low as possible to increase your body fat.  Any muscle mass would be bad news when your trying to gain fat because it would increase your metabolism and cause you to burn more calories and therefore fat!  Also weight training will raise your metabolism for the next 24-48 hours, which will never work to get body fat up!

4.  Eat 1-2 meals a day!

Eating meals less frequently is a great way to keep your metabolism in the gutter all day long and will be ideal for storing fat. 

Recommendation:  The less often you eat, the better.  If you can distract yourself all day and skip a couple of meals you’ll set yourself up perfectly to store fat.  And never eat breakfast to assure that you start your day off in a fat storing mode.  For best results, do not eat anything until lunch and then just eat one meal before you fast again over night. 

Why it works to store fat:  Again every time you eat your metabolism increases.  If you skip a meal, your metabolism will drop and if you skip more than one meal you can get the metabolism running very slow which is perfect for storing fat.  Having a sluggish metabolism is ideal and this is a great way to achieve it.

5.  Perform the exact same workout over and over without ever increasing the intensity.

Doing the same workout each time will confirm that you have not become any stronger or more fit, but instead have stayed exactly the same or got worse. 

Recommendation:  Go to the gym everyday and do the exact same thing.  Get on the same cardio machine, in front of the same television and walk/run at the same speed everyday.

Why it works to store fat:  This will ensure that you do not gain any lean body mass and that your workout will not limit your fat storing capabilities.  You don’t ever want to push yourself harder than you’re used to!

Follow these guidelines to an all new plumper, fatter you!! 

I hope by this stage your jaws are on the floor and you realise how ridiculous these ‘fat inducing guidelines’ are!!! Unfortunately however so many of you are still training and eating in this way…the only difference being your intention is not usually to put on weight.  If your goal is NOT to increase your body fat, I’ll make it very simple for you…do the exact opposite to every rule noted above.  Now for some advice that will actually allow you to achieve a leaner, sexier you….

1.   Do interval training instead of steady state cardio to increase your metabolism and get your body revving to burn fat all day long.

2.   Fuel your body with high quality protein, carbohydrates and fats.  Your calories should not drop below 1400-1500 and fat should be 30% of your diet.  This will keep your metabolism up burning fat all day long.

3.   Lift weights and don’t be afraid to push yourself beyond what you are used to, that is how you get your body to change for the better.  Every ounce of muscle you put on will

increase your metabolism.

4.   Eat 5-6 meals a day.  Everytime you eat your metabolism goes up so eat something every few hours to keep your body burning.

5.   Change your workout every 4-6 weeks.  Your body will adapt and you will need a change to create a new stimulus to continue building muscle and burning fat.

For further information on the above article please contact me at or check out my website

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